It has been 11 year of me giving and giving and giving to my husband’s family, but received back almost nothing from them, neither emotionally nor materially. But hey, don’t I sound conditional while saying this? I should be happy that I have a heart to do things for others unconditionally, even when they don’t do anything for me. After all, Jesus said “there is more happiness in giving than in receiving.” So why should I even be bothered about their behavior?
If I think about it deeply, what really bothers me is the fact that my in-laws do buy thoughtful gifts for other family members and friends. It’s only me for whom they always pull out some old worn-out stuff from their junk. Do they actually plan out these techniques to make me feel unwanted? Maybe I’ll never know. Last Monday, when we were saying goodbye to the family, my sister-in-law handed over a packet to my husband and called it a ‘gift’ for me. My husband was probably very happy that at least someone from his family gave his wife a farewell gift. So he kept asking me if I liked the gift. Well, he obviously had no idea that yet again it was a pair of cheapish jewelry that must have been sitting on her dressing table for ages. Now, I could have chosen to show it to him and complain about how hurt and insignificant I feel with these episodes, and then out of embarrassment he would have defended them vigorously leaving me in pain and tears. But just because I have decided to stay happy, I didn’t speak a single negative word to him about his sister or her thoughtless gift. Instead, when he asked again, I just said “it’s VERY NICE but I’m afraid I might get an allergy if I wear it” (which is true). He checked it and I could see that he instantly felt awkward about its poor quality, which is why he changed the topic immediately to something nicer. We both dismissed the matter rather peacefully. A potential fight was avoided just with my decision to ‘not complain’ and by replacing negativity with a couple of positive words! After all, why should I allow other’s thoughtlessness to ruin our peace? What do you think?
#marriage #love #relationship #inlaws #happiness
Since past 3 days, we are staying at my in-laws place and today we said goodbye. Over the years, in more ways than one, my mother-in-law has shown that she’s not too fond of me for no obvious fault of mine. My father-in-law is sweet but very careless in life, which often leaves me and my husband stressed. Being an emotional fool, I crave for love and security in any relationship. That’s the missing link between me and my in-laws; and my self-protective heart never let’s me forget that. So I have never been able to greet my in-laws with the kind of warmth I want to, and that pains me as well as my husband, who obviously loves them a lot.
But now, since I’ve promised myself to stay happy, this morning I decided to give my in-laws a genuine hug and bid a hearty goodbye, without letting the memories of their shortcomings come on my way. And guess what, their eyes were filled with tears and my husband looked so content. I saw love.
While driving away, I realized that in this attempt to keep myself happy, I am also being able to make others around me happy. Totally worth it! 😊
Yes we had an argument over a very trivial matter and as usual it felt like he’s blaming me for the problem. But very soon he also said “Ok let’s forget about it, it was just a misunderstanding.” A part of my brain said “That’s not an apology. So I should continue with the silent treatment till he actually understands the matter and speaks about it.” But then, since I promised myself to stay happy, I decided to ponder over the issue a bit. While doing the laundry I started to analyse the matter calmly and realised that it wasn’t a big deal after all. And even if it was, I am the one suffering the most in this ‘silent treatment’ game and it’s not worth it. So after doing the laundry, I proposed that we could make dinner together. Of course, I had the happy smile on my face and within. Guess what, he looked so relieved and excited that he suggested a dish we could prepare together and quickly went out to get the missing ingredients! Well, the day went peacefully thereafter and he even kissed me goodnight! I was able to set matters straight today by calculating the trivialness of the issue and then letting it go. I can sleep happy again 🙂
Friends say we are the most adorable couple. Well, maybe we are. But no marriages are perfect, are they? Every day some of us struggle to keep ourselves and our husbands happy. Yet we wives often find ourselves in tears, pain and loneliness. After trying out many ways, I think I finally found my way to stay happy in our marriage. Therefore this blog, to share my daily experience of dealing with a problem successfully, without compromising on my self-respect and dignity. If you are someone like me, I sincerely hope that some of these experiences will help you too! Stay happy and keep smiling 😊